The 5-second rule

When did I first learn about the 5-second rule? Elementary school, at lunch time? Middle school? Preschool, even? It had to have been during those formative years, when such a golden rule could have had an enormous impact on my life.

Drop a tasty morsel.
FIVE SECOND RULE, I shout out, whether in my head or out loud (around others) to justify what I'm about to do.
Eat the tasty morsel.

Why waste food? Especially for something that's delicious (that's all I ever eat, duh), there's no reason to shun yumminess that was sullied by one's carelessness.

It is still something I follow to this day... after all, even biology has taught me that a little dirt can't hurt anyone or anything. In fact, it's more beneficial to one's immune system to be exposed to a wide variety of things that won't kill you!

To be fair, I added some amendments to this rule: carpet's pretty much a no-go. Something that sticks to the surface upon which it falls: also not to be eaten.

But. (there's always a but)

Thanks, New York Times, for changing my life. For the better? I'm not sure yet.

The 5-Second Rule, which really should be named the zero-second rule.

Sadness. I'm going to eat a cookie to mourn the loss of my childhood.